


Five Times Rachel Was a Bartender

by bessemerprocess



Category: Fringe, Life, Pundit & Broadcast Journalist RPF (US), Pundit RPF (US), Real News RPF, Star Trek (2009), The Rachel Maddow Show RPF, Top Gear (UK), Torchwood
Genre: 5 Things, Alcohol, Crossover, FNFF OT, Gen, bar au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-28
Updated: 2009-07-28
Packaged: 2017-10-02 16:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessemerprocess/pseuds/bessemerprocess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel tends bar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Rachel Was a Bartender

1\. Star Trek XI

The man is Starfleet, too young to be a Captain, but with the stripes anyway. Rachel recognizes him, it's hard not to know who James Kirk is these days, and besides he's been frequenting her bar since he first arrived at the Academy.

"First one's on me, Jimmy," she says as she hands his regular over with a smile. He did just save the planet. It doesn't stop her from using the hated nickname, though.

He smiles, a real one, not the fake he's been using in the broadcasts. "Thanks, Rach." He nurses the drink--not his usual style at all--and sits quietly at the bar until his friends arrive. McCoy, she recognizes, he was the one to drag Kirk in here that first night. They'd had three drinks, Kirk had hit on her, she'd turned him down flat, he'd tried to start a bar fight with a Tellarite, and she'd had to punch him in the face to get him to stop. They've been friendly ever since.

The Vulcan is new, they don't generally hang around bars in San Francisco, or anywhere else she assumes. The woman with him... the woman is gorgeous. Rachel would remember if she'd been in here before.

She finishes making McCoy's julep before he even sinks down on to the stool next to Kirk. "What can I get you," she asks the others.

"Water, please," the Vulcan says.

"Hmm," the woman says, looking at the bottles.

"Let Rach pick, you won't regret it, Uhura," Kirk says, and gives her a wink. Rachel rolls her eyes at him. Uhura is lovely and Rachel would be more than happy to take her home and not leave bed for a week, but even she can tell the girl is with the Vulcan and she is not a poacher.

She is, however, a bartender, so she sets about mixing something extraordinary. Other bars have gone the way of exotic alien alcohol, but Rachel likes the classics.

Rachel pours the drink from shaker to glass in one smooth motion. "A maritini for the lady."

Uhura takes a delicate sip. She pauses, letting the alcohol coat her tongue and then swallows. Rachel watches the entire production.

"This is excellent," Uhura says. "No, 'I told you so's, Captain."

"I would never!" Kirk tries for innocent, but even the Vulcan is amused.

Rachel sets them all up with seconds and the shoos them off to a table in the back. When Kirk goes to follow them, she sets a hand on his arm, and says softly, "Good job, Jimmy."

 

2\. Top Gear

The three guys currently inhabiting her bar stools are British, loud and British. They're taking about Aston Martins and rear wheel drive and, possibly, a stick. She may have heard that last bit wrong.

"What do you drive?" asks the tallest and loudest of the bunch.

"Ford F-150," she says as she hands them over another round of beer.

"Absolute rubbish."

"Worst motor vehicle ever made!"

"What about that Datsun?"

"That's rubbish, too."

"More rubbish than the Ford?"

"Nothing is more rubbish than the Ford."

They continue on like that, arguing intensely about the worst car ever made and she let's them. Rachel wonders if they even remember what sparked the argument.

3.Fringe

They introduce themselves as Peter and Olivia after it's all over. Rachel's not worried about their names, so much as the fact they just killed a gigantic human-hedgehog hybrid trying to kill her in her own bar.

"So," says Peter as he wipes the bar free of mutant blood, "what'd ya have to do to get a drink around here?"

"I think you've already done it," Rachel says, and pulls down the good bottle of bourbon.

4\. Dr. Who/Torchwood

She's not at all surprised when the TARDIS materializes in her bar. It's a good thing it's past closing and she's the only one here.

She is surprised when Jack walks out alone.

"Hijacked the TARDIS, or is the Doctor just being unsociable today?" Rachel asks and than wishes she hadn't.

Jack looks run over, run down, and just plain bad. And this is Jack. Jack who is happy and manic and so unbelievably sexual that even she had taken him to bed once.

"You still have that bottle of Glenlivet?"

"I do," she says quietly. That bottle came from the Doctor out of one of the first batches of scotch whiskey George Smith ever made. It had been laid down when it was still illegal to do so. Rachel is loath to open it, but Jack's face tells it's own tale and she goes to fetch it.

He's got his head on the bar when she comes back with the bottle and two glasses. She pours them both two fingers and sits beside Jack. Neither of them speak.

5\. Life

Usually, cops come into her bar, order a beer or a whiskey and then wander off to a table with their buddies. Charlie Crews does none of these.

He asks her about a bottle of Charanda and from there they cover half the history of alcohol production in the Western hemisphere. He doesn't get bored, and he's not trying to hit on her, so she lets the conversation last. She pours him samples in the bottom of shot glasses, and he drinks each one like it contains the secrets of the universe.

"Before, I thought beer was just beer," he says. "Nothing is ever just anything, though."

He smiles, and leaves two hundred dollar bills on the bar when he goes.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Five Times Rachel Was a Bartender](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3545453) by [dapatty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapatty/pseuds/dapatty)




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